Wordspinning

Believe

Learning to believe in god is a lot
Like learning to fall asleep. My Japanese friend in college who was transformed into a True Believer by campus evangelists told me. At first you say prayers and it feels like you are talking to an imaginary being. It feels ridiculous and you feel like a fraud. Then after a while it doesn’t seem so imaginary and then suddenly without realizing it, you believe. When you fall asleep you close your eyes and relax, feigning sleep, trusting that eventually you will be transformed. You slow your breathing consciously and at some point you slip over the border that divides sleep and sleeplessness. You cease to pretend and enter the land of dreams. One friend I have is a chronic insomniac. He doesn’t know how to pretend. When he was a boy he would lie in his bed, eyes wide open, waiting tensely for sleep to overtake him. That’s where I am. Eyes wide open, waiting for God.

posted by Kiara at 5:53 PM